Trick or Treat
by Melira
Summary: What happens when Batman and Robin are asked to patrol Central City for one night? And how may Batman react when he has to deal with Captain Cold and the Trickster while Robin is having too much fun with the whole affair? Crack.


_Author's Note:  
Back in the YJ fandom at last :-D Took me one and a half years to return here, but I have to say, it's my favourite so far. And I've tried about nine others, so I can tell^^ _  
_This story is thanks to my beta Naunet42. It went basically like this:_  
 _Me: "Would be funny if Batman met the Trickster. Sounds like one of those writing prompts."_  
 _Her: "I hereby prompt you to write it. No discussion required."_  
 _And that was the beginning of the end..._

 _Only thing to irk me: The Trickster and Captain Cold don't have tags in this fandom. And while the former wasn't in the show so I can accept his name's absence from the list, the latter very well was... Grrrr!_

 _Disclaimer : In no fandom I've encountered are these done so dutifully and creatively as in YJ. Amazing, really! So: I don't own anything but the basic idea. Not even the motivation to write this story was mine, so I'm far from owning anything in sakes of rights on the DCAU._

 _Last comment before I let you read: Don't take this seriously in any way, it's crack and nothing more!_

* * *

Batman hated having other heroes in his city. And he hated going to others' almost as much. Working on their turf in those awfully bright places. It was abhorrent to him. Honestly, what was it with those people? He had gotten used to Metropolis, he could see it as just a friendlier version of Gotham with criminals not quite as disturbed. But Central City? It was simply too much. Bright, colourful and cheery. Every time he went there he was afraid some civilian would just walk up to him and ask for his autograph. He had seen the Flash do just that on TV – signing children's backpacks and skateboards. How was a hero supposed to uphold law and order when no one feared him? By just politely asking the villains to stop their wrong doing? As if that would ever work!

Batman snorted and once more fired his grapple gun. There was no way he would let Robin talk him into something like this ever again. What had he been thinking? Patrolling another's city because the resident heroes were busy deploying an evil, super-intelligent Gorilla to a facility at the other end of the world. A Gorilla, for God's sake. They didn't even have decent villains over here. He just ignored the fact that occasionally an over-sized crocodile wreaked havoc in his own city.

He heard a snicker from behind him. Robin. As much as Batman hated being here as much the boy seemed to enjoy it.

"Don't be such a grouch, Batman," his partner called to him. "Scowling doesn't go well with the surroundings."

Batman actually made the effort to turn around and glare at Robin who was right behind him on the rooftop they were currently crossing. The boy was grinning broadly and Batman could practically see his eyes glisten with glee and mischief even behind the mask. He refused to answer the comment, turned back and kept walking.

Up until now it had been a quiet evening, the only emergency they had come across being a cat trapped on a tree. The owner, an elderly woman with white hair and clad in a dressing gown, had been standing next to it, trying to lure "Missy" down again. She had already had tears in her eyes. While Batman had been well prepared to just swing by without sparing her a second thought, his partner had called him back, a chiding look on his face. "I'm disappointed in you," he had said. "And Agent A would be ashamed. Just wait until I tell him you refused to help an old lady get her cat back. You'll be drinking cold coffee for the next two days." Thus blackmailed, Batman had had no other choice but to politely offer the woman his help – she had nearly had a heart attack when he suddenly appeared in front of her, all in black and with a voice deep as the pits of hell. He'd then climbed the tree to retrieve the stray cat but the animal had been so scared of him, it had practically scrambled over its own legs trying to get back into the comforting arms of its owner. Robin hadn't stopped laughing for the following ten minutes straight even when Batman had threatened to ground him. He was so never doing this again, not for anything!

Suddenly, sirens sounded in the distance. While in Gotham it was almost freaking him out not hearing at least three of them 24/7, it was a first here in Central.

"Some decent work, finally," he grumbled and turned his steps in the direction the sound had come from, accelerating his pace. Behind him he heard Robin follow and make a sound that reminded him of suppressed laughter. He somehow felt like that didn't bode well for him.

Barely three minutes later they reached a street blocked by two police cars. The blue and red light their lamps casted reflected off the asphalt in a peculiar way. It took Batman a moment to realise why. The street was completely frozen over. On a perfectly warm, mid-august night.

"Guess that's Captain Cold we're dealing with here," Robin stated next to him. They were both crouching on the edge of a roof opposite of a jewellery store that was obviously in the process of getting robbed. Through the broken front window flew what looked like a water balloon. When the small red object hit the icy street however, a whizzing noise sounded and bright yellow steam billowed, clouding a ten meter radius. The shop window disappeared from view, effectively halting the officers in their effort to enter the building. No sight and insecure footing kept them from going in.

"Oh, and the Trickster, nice!" Batman could practically hear the grin in his partner's voice.

"No need to sound delighted," he said gruffly. "We'll go in, secure them and make sure the police can handle the rest. Business as usual."

"Alright, alright, spoilsport," Robin muttered in response but still he sounded a bit too ... excited for Batman's liking. Not in the way he always did when he could go into action but almost as if he was looking forward to a promised treat. A treat his mentor wasn't aware of.

Before Batman could say anything further, the boy had already fired his grapple gun and was about to swing through the destroyed window. His mentor had no choice but to follow suit.

The shop's interior was a mess. It appeared at least five pearl necklaces had been ripped to pieces, leaving the pearls lying all over the floor. Batman only just managed landing without stepping on one of them and slipping. Robin, he noticed, was perched elegantly on an empty display case, ever the acrobat. The boy was still grinning.

"Captain Cold, Trickster, what a delight to finally meet you!", he called out, causing Batman to flinch. What on earth? They had managed to sneak up on the villains without them noticing and Robin just blew the whole advantage for what? Polite introductions? He would so get grounded for that one!

A man wearing a thick parka and goggles who had just emptied a vitrine slowly turned on the spot, facing them. He held a huge gun and a bag in one hand, a pair of delicate looking earrings in the other.

"And you must be ... the Big Bad Bat and his little Bird," he drawled.

"Correct," the boy grinned and leapt down from his elevated position. "I'm Robin, that's Batman," he introduced them cheerfully, gesturing towards his mentor. Who could barely grasp what was happening before his eyes.

"Where's Flash and Flash junior?", the man, who had to be Captain Cold, asked.

"Otherwise occupied," Batman growled, having found his voice again and trying to get the situation back under his control. Or to get it under his control at all to begin with. "You'll have to deal with us."

"Did they find something more important than us?", the second villain suddenly asked. The man, more of a boy really, had been standing further in the back of the shop, half hidden behind the counter.

"Don't they like us anymore?" His voice sounded almost tearful, and honestly so, Batman noticed astonished.

"No, of course they still do," Robin piped in to reassure him. Reassure a villain? What was going on here? "They just had to get rid of that huge Gorilla. Maybe you've heard of it."

"Oh." The Trickster, for it had to be him, stopped dead in his tracks on his way over to Captain Cold. His eyes grew wide. "Gorilla, yes, we've heard. He's not nice, is he, Len?", he asked his companion who simply shook his head.

"Flasher said, the Gorilla hurt people. Hurt Flasher and Baby Flash." Now, the young man's voice switched to downright angry. Batman stared in shock. Was that guy, that villain, honestly concerned about his vigilantes' welfare? What was wrong with this city? Batman made a vow to himself there and then that, should one of Gotham's crazies indeed one day start to like him enough to care for him, he would abandon the cowl for good.

He vigorously shook his head, trying to concentrate on the matter at hand again.

"Captain Cold, Trickster, you've been caught in the act of robbing 'Mason's Finest Jewellery'. I recommend you empty your hands quietly to avoid further complications."

The two villains looked first at him then at Robin, not making a move to follow his orders.

"He's no fun, is he?", Captain Cold asked Robin who shook his head, grinning.

"But that's so boring," the Trickster complained. "Flasher is always fun!" He paused as if he had an idea. "Maybe we can make him have fun," he said excitedly and in a twisted way, Batman was reminded of the Joker. Maybe these two were more dangerous than they appeared to be on first sight after all.

In one fluid motion, Batman threw back his cape and moved towards the Trickster, hoping Robin would follow his actions and secure Captain Cold. In that moment, the Trickster grabbed something out of his pockets and threw it on the floor. It seemed like more of the pearls that were already scattered there. Apparently, they weren't the remains of expensive attire as he had first thought. The small objects instantly caused a chain reaction, setting in motion all of the orbs which promptly rolled in every direction. Before Batman had time to register that, he slipped on one of them and stumbled.

"What the?" Swearing, he fought to regain his foot only to find Robin laughing next to him. On the other side of the room, the Trickster did the same.

"Works every time on the Flashers, too", he exclaimed gleefully. "And I have even more stuff in my pockets. Wanna see?" He pulled out what looked like a water pistol.

"Oh, I've heard of that one," Robin said in delight. "That's you Gum Gun, isn't it?"

The Trickster beamed. "It is! Has Flasher told you about it? It's one of my favourites!"

"Nah, KF did. But he doesn't like it as much as you do I'm afraid."

The young villain's face fell. "Oh," he said sadly before his eyes lit up again. "But maybe you'll like it. They sure will like it, won't they?", he asked the mildly smiling Captain Cold and before Batman could do anything about it, the Trickster pulled the trigger grinning expectantly.

Instantly, a net of what appeared to be pink bubble gum connected floor and ceiling, rapidly spreading to both sides until the makeshift wall divided the whole room.

"That's amazing!", Robin stated, earning a delighted laugh from the Trickster.

"Isn't it?"

Slowly but surely Batman had enough. Feeling betrayed for the umpteenth time by his partner tonight, he growled and stalked over to the pink net blocking his path. He was careful not to step on one of the pseudo pearls again. When he reached the net and attempted to rip a hole in it, his glove instantly started sizzling and smoking. A stench of burned plastic filled the room.

Batman instinctively drew his hand back, examining the newly formed hole in his gear. He growled deep in his throat. Deciding it was time for more drastic measures, he pulled out a batarang and started tearing the gum net apart.

"Mind helping me doing your job here?", he indignantly asked his partner, who came over but was still busy giggling.

"Nice change from all those crazies back home in Gotham, don't you think?", Robin asked as he moved to help clear the way. Behind the barrier they could hear the two villains continue emptying the store of its values.

"They're mental!", Batman answered.

"But not as insane as the Joker," Robin tried.

"I'd take that lunatic over those two over there any day", Batman harrumphed. He just wanted all this to be over, to be back in Gotham were the bad guys were real bad guys and not some kind of comic relief.

The metal of their batarangs fortunately being immune to the acid of the gum, they soon had a hole ripped in the net big enough to carefully step through. Robin insisted on doing a backflip rather than simply walking.

Barely on the other side, the two villains were already waiting for them. The moment Batman moved in their direction to finally get over with this business, Captain Cold lifted his gun and fired. Interestingly not at the approaching vigilante but at the floor in front of them. Instantly it was covered in glistening ice.

"When you pull that trigger, is it still called firing or do you say you ice your gun?" Robins voice from behind him sounded genuinely curious. Batman groaned. He had to get his partner away from this city as soon as possible, he was having far too much fun with its villains.

"Hm, good question," Captain Cold said and looked at his weapon contemplatively.

Mostly ignoring the interaction, Batman started to make his way forward again, careful not to slip on the icy ground.

"Ouh, I have an idea," the Trickster suddenly exclaimed. He sounded decidedly too excited for Batman's liking as he once again put his hand in his pocket.

"We never tried combining your ice with my pearls," the younger villain said and Batman saw even more of the small globes appear in his hands. It made sense using them against the speedsters, those two were stupid enough to fall for that trick time and again but he'd had enough for one night.

"Don't! You! Dare!" He spoke slowly and in his most menacing voice. The Trickster's eyes grew wide as he looked at Batman in shock. But after a second he tentatively continued lowering his hand to the ground about to roll his 'pearls' over the ice.

"Stop! It!" Batman half growled, half shouted at the villain. He didn't really think that would work but it was worth a try. To his utter astonishment, the Trickster instantly froze and after a second actually started crying. Crying! What half decent villain did that?

"Oh, look what you've done now!" The chiding voice surprisingly came from behind him. He turned to see a stern looking Robin walk past him and towards the still crying young man. "Was that really necessary?"

Batman was completely flabbergasted. He could do nothing more than stare in utter astonishment as his partner put an arm around the teared-up Trickster and started comforting him.

"Never mind him! He's just a grumpy old Bat that doesn't know what fun is. At home, he doesn't even let me slide down banisters!"

The Trickster sniffed and looked up at Robin. "Really?"

"Really," the boy confirmed.

"That's mean!"

"Yes, it is! And you know what's even worse? There is that huge stuffed dinosaur in the Batcave and I'm never allowed to climb on it. Never!"

Now, the Trickster actually gazed at Batman, scowling at him while he had still tears in his eyes. "Not nice of him!" The unexpected reprimanding tone had Batman take a surprised step back while Robin chuckled.

"That's what I tell him all the time! So, you see, he doesn't mean it personally. It's just him. Best to simply ignore him."

The Trickster nodded carefully. "Okay."

"What do you say, shall I get you home again?"

"Uh-hm." The tears finally started drying on the young man's face when Robin lead him over the ice still covering the ground and towards the hole in the gum net.

Batman tried to shake what he had just witnessed from his memory. He had to have a word with Robin about what he told the thugs he was meant to fight!

He was about to deal with Captain Cold who was still busy emptying the displays of their content, when he heard the next part of the conversation between his protégé and the so-called villain.

"So, you're James, right?"

"Yes, James. James Jesse, that's me."

"Nice name!"

"You like it?"

"Of course, it's great!"

"What's your name?"

"Oh, I can't tell you that, it's a secret. But I can tell you something else."

"What? Another secret?"

"Yes, another secret. But you can never tell Batman, alright?"

"I won't!"

"Okay. You see, KF told me a lot about you, and I wanted to meet you. So when he knew that he and Flash had to get rid of that Gorilla, he asked if Batman and I could watch over his city for that night. And as a special treat, he made sure you and Captain Cold there would be out on the streets as well, so we could meet."

"Baby Flash told you about me? And he made you meet me? Cool!"

"Yes."

"I'll tell him thanks when he visits me next time. Oh, do you want to come, too? We could play darts!"

"I will, promise!"

"Great! ... Ah, but wait, _he_ won't let you, will he?"

" _He_? That grumpy old Bat back there? Oh, he will never know."

Batman felt like he was about to explode. He swivelled around to give Robin a piece of his mind and was already halfway through the room when he remembered there was still Captain Cold to be dealt with. He turned back only to find the villain gone. Only at the last moment did he manage to dampen his cry of frustration to an angry growl. God, how he hated this city! The city, it's villains and now obviously he needed to hate its heroes, too. He would never leave Gotham again!

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading. As this was my very first (and probably last) attempt at writing crack, I'd love a review, be it positive or negative :-)_


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